Few years back, someone I used to knowcasually was found dead somewhere in Ibadan. A young, vibrant handsome man who was always lively and fun. News was that they had found him hanging by the rope from the ceiling of his room. He had just committed SUICIDE.
A suicide note was found in his breast pocket as family members brought him down amidst wailings and screams. Highlighted in the note were details of is ordeals after his graduation from school. The challenges, struggles and disappointments he had experienced. Constant rebuke from family and relatives on how useless he was and how time was ticking fast on him because he hadn’t been able to secure a job hard as he had tried….and the guilt he had lived with for being a burden to people around him. He was depressed and even though he had people surrounding him, he felt alone in his agony and sadness. He said he had always put up a calm smiling mien whereas behind that facade had laid for a long time……someone who was getting torn.
Lessons I learnt from his demise was that going suicidal in the face of struggles, tribulations and challenges is ‘cowardly’ and a sign of weakness. Under no circumstance should you allow yourself to be pushed into taking erratic steps. I also came to understand that these things are phases and almost inevitable. You must however learn quickly that God won't give up on you as long as you don't give up on YOU. One thing about life is that it’s often shrouded in mystery and only God can explain why things don’t sometimes go as we had often planned. Nothing about our sojourn is by chance as they have been predestined by the Almighty. You can be a secondary school student, one of the best or average to some extent. Years later, the guy considered the dullest in class might be so successful before you ever even land your first job. As a young lady, you might be so dedicated to the works of God, so fervent and God fearing that you were able to keep your virginity until marriage. Life is so cruel sometimes that the slut of the set might get married and bear children while you might be barren. Life is twisted but God understands why it is so. No one can question him. He does things at his appointed time.
Every time we are told God’s time is the best but people we surround ourselves with often jolts us into reality of what the society expects from us per time. As you age, you are faced with the race against time. When things aren’t working out for so long, advise could gradually fade away and condemnation is ushered in. People want to see results, no one cares about how you got there as long as you aren't in their budget anymore . Most people just assume you aren’t doing anything because it is not loud and results haven’t been seen, you are complacent. Same people who had praised you for being honest and upright can turn around to compare you with a friend of yours who as made it big, even if he is doing illicit activities you don’t want to associate yourself with . It doesn’t matter how he got there. To them, the end justifies the means.
Are you a secondary school leaver and seeking for admission and none is forthcoming. Despite your efforts and determination,UTME is proving a hard nut to crack. I can assure you that is one of the craziest periods in the life of anyone. Most people have been there. You begin to watch your step and utterances at home. Something as mild as removing your mum’s charger to boost your dead phone a little can earn you a long-prepared lashing. You can be sure to hear that if you had passed your UTME and already in the University, you wouldn’t be home removing chargers. People reminds us of our failures and bring to fore that clog in our progress whenever we make mistakes. You can burn the little stew in your mum’s pot after being engrossed in something else. It’s a fatal error that can be capitalised on. It’s equivalent to theft the kinds of rebuke that usually accompanies such especially in this part of the world. It doesn’t matter that your successful brother had also burnt stew just last week. As long as it’s you, it’s always an avenue to bring your struggles, clog, ‘failure’, challenges to your reminder. Your inability to secure a job and your unmarried status.
I tell you today, God understands, he perfects things at his own appointed time. It’s a good thing he doesn’t think like us.
For someone like me, believe you me. I realised a long time ago that I am in competition with no one but myself. I have come to grow a thick flesh against bad judgements and criticisms of me especially when it’s all assumptions. My being born wasn’t a mistake and my being alive is a constant reason to be forever grateful to God. I won’t lie to you, I have been tempted a couple of times to ‘soil’ my hands because I have my own challenges too like everyone of us. There is that battle we are always fighting, that which envelopes us when we are alone in bed with our thoughts in the middle of the night after smiling to the camera on social media platforms. It hurts when it is assumed you are lazy and doing nothing, wasting away when in actual fact, you have done them all but for one reason or the other, it’s always a closed door.
Let me be honest with you, as real as I can be. I was once tempted to go into online scam ‘yahoo yahoo’ while in the University. I wanted to have a strong financial backup if things don’t work out well on time because I don’t want to be a burden. I was living on allowance from home and my parents were doing their best. There was never a time I got my allowance late but believe you me, the University (not same as when our parents were there and there weren’t too many distractions as we have today) has changed and there is always that tendency to want more if care isn’t taken. Your shirts may be fading and shoes begging for freedom while your friends rock the latest designer clothes and shoes. Once accompanied a friend (he was into yahoo then) to his dry cleaner’s and we had got talking about how badass his shirts were. I asked how much he had bought the shirt as I was nursing the idea of getting one for myself also. He was reluctant at first but after pressing further, he said ‘’15k’’. Don’t ask me but my desire to buy too got an instant judgement and died a natural death. Admittedly, I wished I could be like him. If I had wanted, he would have readily taught me but I resisted the urge. I wasn’t looking for wealth my parents wouldn’t be able to benefit from and I didn’t want to soil my hands. I decided to keep hope alive and trust in God because he perfects all at his appointed time.
I don’t know where you are at the moment or what kind of struggle you are facing. I don’t know what kinds of thoughts you have going through your mind right now but the mere fact that this article has refused to leave my mind for a long time, then my article is for you….Yes,YOU!. You have to remember that in the scheme of things, you are the one who matters and it is your race. People complain and condemn you some times not out of love but out of frustration that you are burdening them and often times for their own gratification. Your struggle might not be loud now but I can assure you that someday soon, your success would be so ‘deafeaning’ everyone would want to be associated with you. You are not the driver of your journey, God is on the wheel and no matter what, you just have to hold on and keep pushing. Let them criticize and call you a failure or tell you you are useless because your struggle shows no shadow, as long as you are steadfast and you believe God isn’t dead, he would perfect it all in his time.
It would have been 4 years by March 5 that I was involved in a fatal accident on my way to NYSC camp at Ebonyi state. An accident that claimed the life of a fellow corper, a female who had sat at my front. May her soul continue to rest in the bosom of Christ. What I would however not fail to remember was that I had wanted to sit where this lady had sat. My friend, Apreala Raphael a.k.a Alams had accompanied me to the Akure park earlier that day. He was the one who had advised that I sit at the back instead so I could keep a watch on my bags and ensure they aren’t left behind. Now, I could have sat there and been the victim and I could have and still not be the victim. I do know for a fact that I am no better than the young lady but God has a reason for everything. He has a purpose for me and he knows what lies in the scenes I haven’t yet opened. That experience alone was a learning curve for me. I could have been dead and the whole rat race could have been long over but he showed me he has better plans for me. This motivates me in ways only a person who has ever been close to death can imagine. I am not overly desperate for things, call it being nonchalant but I push for things even if people’s definition of ‘push’ seem to vary. When things don’t work having tried, I still thank God for being alive and keep on pushing.
Tell you what, I have had very low moments and I have had high moments. I know those I have left behind. I know people who makes my present position their prayer points. I know those who have gone ahead of me but I still thank God that I keep getting better daily and God has me in his schedule. My admonition to you is to keep trusting in God. Being depressed that you resort into suicidal thoughts isn’t only a sin to mankind but also to God. It is an unfair indictment on the souls of those whose lives have been cut short in their prime. Those I know, those you know….those whose lives were short-lived and it wasn’t their doing. Your being alive isn’t a waste. Life itself is vanity and the more you get, the more you wish to have more. Patience does it. People are concerned with time but God has his ways.
Giving up is not an option!
©Foltem(IG: @sirfola)
2017
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